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Beyond the Social Anxiety, Depression, hopelessness, cognitive rigidity, suicidality, possible social maturity developmental issues and the possibility of whether a Body Dysmorphic Disorder type issue is playing out for some of these men, there are a few other observations we can make.
These men are angry. They are angry with themselves (expressed as self hatred and depression), and with women. They are angry, in some cases, at the world. They maybe view themselves as being in a similar situation to the tortured one that the mythic figure Tantalus found himself in. Tantalus was punished by the gods by being immersed in water he could not drink, and being nearby a fruit tree whose boughs would blow away from his hand when he grasped at fruit. Tantalus was starving and thirsty in the midst of apparent plenty. Similarly, men with Small Penis Syndrome are surrounded by attractive women they can NEVER EVER EVER (so they think) hope to impress.
These men are distrustful. They do not trust that any woman would ever tell them the truth. If a women were to say, honestly, that she found them attractive and a good lover, they would think that she was lying to make them feel better. It is impossible in the mindset of some of these men to conceive of the idea that a woman could ever accept them. When acceptance is actually offered, it is so dissonant with this conviction that it is just dismissed as an obvious lie.
These men are focused almost entirely upon how to please a woman rather than how a woman could please them. This is consistent with the idea that Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder) is present, and with the idea of inverted narcissism. More fundamentally, these men do not believe that they are or ever could be adequate sexually. They are sure that engaging in foreplay could somewhat gratify a woman but penetration will necessarily end in failure because their penis is not “big enough”. And, of course, they seem to believe that all women demand penetration; that it is not possible for women to have a satisfying sexual experience without penetration. This is, of course, not true as many women are perfectly capable of achieving orgasm manually/digitally.
There is no medical procedure that we know of that can reliably and safely enlarge a small penis. For us, as psychotherapists, the question becomes, “Given that I have this problem that cannot be fixed, what can I do to reduce its impact on myself so that I can live a happier life?”. Our thoughts about how to answer this question follow. While these suggestions are intended as useful aids to all men, they might be especially helpful to the men who are extremely angry, hopeless and depressed because they are convinced that they are not well enough endowed.
Identify and Correct Cognitive Distortions.
Cognitive therapy and appraisal theory have taught us that how we think about and judge situations causes and shapes our emotional reactions to those situations. We do not become anxious about a situation unless that situation feels threatening to us. Not all situations that feel threatening actually are, however. And not all threats are actually all that dangerous either. In the case of Small Penis Syndrome, it seems to us that there are common habits of thought and common beliefs frequently present that are not necessary and which make the situation more difficult and painful than it has to be. By identifying what those thought habits and beliefs are and taking steps to correct them, a fair amount of the pain and difficulty of this issue can likely be avoided.
The most important thought habits to watch out for are rigidity, over-certainty, and a tendency to over-generalize. As we’ve pointed out, men with Small Penis Syndrome tend to fixate on the idea that they are hopelessly inadequate, that all women will reject them, that all women are lying if they don’t reject them, etc. There is no room to move from this position, and yet these beliefs, in their rigid over-certainty simply cannot be true in all cases. No real work on cognitive biases and faulty beliefs can occur until these men become aware and accept that they might just be wrong in some cases.
It is important for men bothered by the size of their penis to identify and correct any distorted beliefs they may have regarding their small penis. An important first step is simply identifying whether one’s penis is actually small in the first place. Answering that question gets directly to the concept of reference points; that which you are comparing your penis against. There are two kinds of reference points that matter here; those that reflect the average penis size in the community (e.g., sampling distributions), and the honest acceptance of a person’s body by that person’s lover. In our estimation, the latter is far more important than the former. If someone cares for you and accepts you as you are, with all the imperfections that plague most human bodies, then it doesn’t matter so much how you stack up against other people.
Reference Points: Testimony versus Statistics:
In using reference points in deciding that one’s penis is small, there are at least two types of data you can compare yourself against. One is testimony from women and the other is statistical data (sampling distributions) derived from various research studies on this topic. By women’s testimony we mean stories and articles published by women in magazines and on the Internet and the like. We also mean women’s behavior (particularly rejecting behavior) that men may have encountered directly in the course of their lives. In the case of one example blog that was pointed out to us, a woman gushed about how much she enjoyed intercourse with men who have large penises and wrote about this pleasure in such a manner as to suggest that normally she lies about this to her partners and does not tell them the truth about her preferences.

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"And the slain of the LORD shall be at that day from one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth: they shall not be lamented, neither gathered, nor buried; they shall be dung upon the ground." There’ll be no funeral services. They won’t even be gathered. The undertakers won’t have to grin one iota. There won’t be any to embalm. That’s going to be the final outpouring of God’s wrath on this planet.
All right, come back with me to Isaiah 61. So, the beauty will come out of the ashes. After God’s wrath and judgment and total destruction will come His beautiful, glorious, earthly Kingdom. All right, verse 3 again:
"…to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, (Now, you know Scripture refers to trees as something beautiful in God’s creation.) the planting of the LORD, that he (the Lord) might be glorified. 4. And they shall build up the old wastes, (From the destruction coming out of the Tribulation will come this glorious, new, restored planet earth.) they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations. 5. And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers." Now, what does that tell you? Israel has always been the downtrodden people of human history. They’ve always been the hated and the persecuted. Well, what’s going to happen here? It’s going to be totally reversed. Israel will be the apple of God’s eye. Israel is going to be the most blessed of any of the nations on earth.
Israel is finally going to inherit all those glorious promises coming up even since Moses. We’ll look at that in our next program. What did Moses prophesy? That Israel would never again be on the bottom of the totem pole. They’ll be where? They’ll be at the top. They will never again have to beg or borrow from other nations. They’re going to be the ones that will help other nations. And so all the glorious promises of Israel are still future and they’re coming.
Okay, for those of you joining us on television, we’re just an informal Bible study. We like to teach verse by verse, most of the time comparing Scripture with Scripture. We appreciate so much that you let us know how much you’re learning. My, I’ve said it before and I guess I can say it again, the average letters say, "I’ve learned more in the last six months than in the previous forty years." So, it is encouraging to us that the Lord is opening a lot of eyes to these things that have been hidden, for many, for a long time now.
All right, we’re going to pick up where we left off in Isaiah 61. We’re down to verse 6. This is an interesting situation now, where the prophet writes:
"But ye shall be named ( shall be – Now, they aren’t yet, but they will be.) the Priests of the LORD:…" (or of Jehovah.) Priests. All right, where do you first get that? Well, come all the way back with me to Exodus chapter 19.
This is the beauty of Scripture. It all fits! Exodus 19 and just for sake of time lets go all the way back to verse 3. Now remember the setting. Israel has just come out of Egypt. They’ve come through the Red Sea, and they’re gathered at Mount Sinai. Moses has now gone up unto God.
"And Moses went up unto God, and the LORD called unto him out of the mountain, saying, Thus shalt thou say to the house of Jacob, thus shall you tell the children of Israel; (Now, here it comes.) 4. Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, (That is, drowned them in the Red Sea.) and how I bare you (the Nation of Israel) on eagles’ wings, and brought you to myself." That is, out here into the Sinai desert.
"Now therefore, (here comes the opportunity) if (and it’s positional, it depends on what Israel does) ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, (This covenant of Law that will be coming in the next chapter. If Israel will be obedient to that.) then ye shall be a peculiar treasure (something of intrinsic value) unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine:" God is Sovereign. If He wants to make one nation superseding all the others, that’s His prerogative, and that’s what He’s done. He has made Israel, now, above all the other people of the world. Now verse 6:
"And ye (the Nation of Israel) shall be unto me a kingdom of priests,…" Now, those are the two key words. Israel is to be looking forward to a Kingdom in which every Jew would be a priest, or a go-between, between their God and the non-Jewish world.
Now, most people miss that, but that was Israel’s prospect. That’s why, of course, when you start immediately back there in the four gospel accounts, what does John the Baptist institute? Well, the water baptism. It has nothing to do with the church whatsoever. It’s a Jewish phenomenon. But what was the reason? To prepare every priestly Jew for his role as priest. How did every priest begin? Wash! Wash! So, it was an indication they were now a prepared priesthood of people. Not just Levi, but the whole nation was to become a kingdom of priests and a holy or set apart nation, just like Levi was in the nation of Israel. Every Jew was to become like a Levite to the nations of the world.

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By excluding prostitutes from the process of determining solutions, funding bodies undermine the efforts to improve the working situations and protecting workers’ rights of prostitutes. Djordjevic agrees, she purports that the way to address prostitution is not with authority from above but by changing the structures from within. She argues we should listen to the demands of prostitutes and sex-workers organisations. By challenging the stigma of sex work and tackling the attitudes embodied in the framework of society and state institution, we will enable sex workers to protect themselves, build their skills and eventually mobilise them into a place where they have enhanced choices of whether or not to remain in sex work, Djordjevic claims (2008: 161). Through legalisation of sex work, you re-establish the prostitutes place in society, bringing them back from the alienated and marginalised peripheries.
These arguments highlight explicitly the potentially harmful consequences for the prostitutes that can occur through the delegitimization of sex work. Although I strongly advocate illegalising sex work, there are obvious negative implications of such a policy, and I recognise the value of the pro-legalisation discussion. However, I determine that liberals settle to working within rather than challenging the wider structures of patriarchy. The quintessential reason I cannot advocate legalising prostitution is on the grounds that it fails to address the real roots of exploitation and patriarchy. By suggesting solutions and improvements of the conditions of prostitution within existing social structures, it falls short of tackling the heart of the problem. Some argue, however, that prostitution has and will always exist – implying we should try to improve on the existing situation – though this notion appears largely defeatist. Instead, I argue, that even if something has ‘always existed’, this does that mean that we should stop trying to prevent it. For example: slavery has ‘always existed’ – but over time, and through the power of social movements, acceptance of the practice is almost entirely eradicated. For the potential of real reform of the sex industry, radical feminist are inclined to supporting ideological, social and historical transformation of the gendered constructs framing our society.
Although advocating illegalisation of sex work, it is essential that such policies do not impinge on the work of successful, grass-roots organisations working alongside and supporting prostitutes. In addition – I claim that Swedish policies and legislation on sex work has been and is largely successful. Although the problem of prostitution is very small in comparison to many other countries, the Swedish approach has concentrated on addressing prostitution as a social issue. They outlaw sex work as ‘legitimate’ work and introduced measures which were supported with governmental funding, to provide a proper and permanent support system for prostitutes which offered counselling and retraining possibilities (Kilvington et al. 2001:83). In 1999, legislation was introduced which criminalised the buying of sexual services with the intention to target the clients who use the service rather than the sex workers (Ibid). Although I do not compare the Swedish sex work industry to that of countries within South East Asia, where sex trafficking and sex work is on a far greater, global scale (Remote Sensing: 2001), I endorse the Swedish approach for recognising the overarching social issues and patriarchal structures and which uphold and support the practice of prostitution. By targeting the men – the ‘demand’ for prostitution – the legislation attempts to tackle such structures. However, I recognise that censoring and upholding such prosecution is difficult in areas in which prostitution is endemic, yet this should be no reason to impinge change.
In conclusion this essay has discussed why sex work should not be considered ‘legitimate work’, nor as an expression of women’s ‘choice and agency.’ This essay has structured this argument on the grounds, as explained by Jeffreys and O’Connell Davidson, that sex work is inherently abusive towards women, both psychologically and physically. Sullivan illustrated how in instances of legalisation, instead of tackling the inherent violence prostitutes were subject to, it incidentally normalised the violence. This essay has also illustrated how in the majority of circumstances, the ‘choice’ of the women is not valid, since it tends to stem from desperate economic motives, and because even if women ‘choose’ sex work, their choice has potential harmful implications on other women. Finally, because sex work reinforces and upholds gendered sociological assumptions of society, instilling patriarchy, I advocate that it remain an illegitimate form of work. Nonetheless, as I have discussed, and as explored by Ditmore and Djordjevic, one problem circumscribed by advocating the illegalisation of sex work is that it forces the women working in the industry ‘underground’. This has harmful implications on conditions of the prostitutes and inhibits their voice in society. I conclude by suggesting that one possible way to tackle this is by recognising prostitution as a social problem. As in Sweden, we must recognise the gendered and patriarchal institutions that uphold prostitution and face the issue by delegitimizing and penalising those who use the service. The primary understanding that needs to be established for this perspective to be effective is that prostitution is not legitimate work.

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Nang, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, was 13 when her mother decided to sell her into prostitution. Also from the Shan ethnic minority, Nang’s parents moved to Patak, a small, Thai village on the outskirts of Mae Sai, from Myanmar 25 years ago. Here, as many as 25 per cent of families have sold their daughters into sexual bondage. Nang’s two sisters were also sold to Chiang Mai brothel owners – one has already been murdered.
For Nang, the only way out was to write to the Daughters’ Education Programme (DEP), a local non-government organisation dedicated to schooling those most at risk from the sex trade. Her message, dated 19 July 2001, was simple. It read: “Please help. My mother thinks money is more important than me.”
Nang was lucky. After counselling from DEP, her parents sent her to school instead. Now attending the organisation’s Mae Sai campus, Nang is one of three children from Patak village to escape being traded into prostitution this year. Many others slipped through the net. “Many of these families are itinerant farm labourers,” says Somporn Khempetch, a DEP co-ordinator. “But many appear to be getting an increasing amount of disposable income. The exact figures are hard to come by, but let’s just say daughters can be a valuable commodity.” Near Soi 6, a street lined with new concrete houses, some are concerned that this latest housing boom is being funded by a flesh trade keen to recruit adolescent girls for distant brothels.
On the Thai side of the border, where the demand is greatest, advances are being made. In 1996 the anti-prostitution law redefined prostitutes, labelling them victims instead of criminals, and set penalties for parents selling children into the sex trade. It also promises that those caught having sex with under-15s will be charged with statutory rape.
Also, a memorandum of understanding was signed in 1999 between women’s groups and the Thai government detailing guidelines for the treatment of the victims of trafficking. As well as the establishment of dedicated rehabilitation centres, this memorandum ensures that the women are offered assistance and the opportunity for relocation. With Aung San Suu Kyi’s release promising advances across the border as well, there is still hope.
As related education programmes spring up on both sides of the border, aid agencies like Empower, which supports women in Thailand’s sex industry, have noted fewer women being conned into prostitution, with more sex workers entering brothels reluctantly, but fully knowing what the work involves.
But there are stumbling blocks. As well as the complicity of police forces on both side of the border, the biggest problem for aid agencies in recent years has been identifying which women need rescuing and rehabilitation and which have become prostitutes of their own free will.
“It is tempting to assume that all Burmese women working in prostitution need rescuing,” says Mami Sato of the Global Alliance Against the Traffic in Women. “But we have to be very careful. In recent years, a growing number of Burmese women have made a conscious decision to work in Thailand’s brothels because they can earn much better money there. To ‘rescue’ them, to ‘rehabilitate’ them and ‘relocate’ them in Myanmar is a disaster for these people. They just want to get on with earning money so one day they can return home and give their families a better life.”
Back in her Mae Sai brothel, Khoung nervously awaits her next customer. There is comfort in the fact that by the end of the month she will be able to send her brother some more money.
“The real tragedy for these women is a political one,” says Ohmar. “We can try to eradicate the abuses of the sex industry, but for many Burmese women the real problem is back in Myanmar, where they lack the opportunities to make a life for themselves. Until there is political reform in Myanmar, Burmese women will continue to find themselves in Thailand’s brothels. Tragically, it is the only option some women are left with. We can only hope that recent events lead to a more democratic solution.”
Hidden identities – the policing of sex work in Myanmar.
A “dancing show” at Thiri Mingalar market in Yangon. The feather boa denotes that the woman has been “auctioned” to someone – not necessarily for sex.
Harsh, outdated laws and police corruption are hindering efforts to safely regulate Myanmar’s commercial sex industry.
As a cool breeze blows through the open windows of a ramshackle house that serves as a massage parlour on the outskirts of Bago, the shrill sound of a mobile phone pierces the silence during yet another power cut. The manager of the massage parlour listens anxiously for a few seconds, then hangs up and says, “We’ll stay open tonight.”
The manager had been contacted by someone working at a nearby brothel who told him there was no need to worry about a police raid – for that night anyway.
As a pimp at the massage parlour explained, “Police are on a drive to make as many arrests as possible – the drive to fill certain quotas starts in December every year and continues until the end of January. We often have to shut for the night, or even a few nights – it’s not easy doing good business at this time of year. If the problems last too long, we’ll move to another house.”

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